dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
