This dress was meant to end up on your floor
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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