Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
