god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
