you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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