I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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