we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
