Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
