He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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