If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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