He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My dick has a subreddit
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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