he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
