omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
