I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
