I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
