I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
