It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
