he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
