You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
