You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
