2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
