omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
