i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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