They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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