dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
