Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
