does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
