Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
