i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
