if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
