I puked a lego.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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