i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
