Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
