Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
