shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
