She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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