OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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