I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
