What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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