When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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