I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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