I'm really into asian looking animals
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
