Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
