Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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