But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
