Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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