i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
third nipple confirmed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
