Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
