Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
