i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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