he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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