"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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