why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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