i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
