wrigley field is MILF paradise
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They are going to name an STD after you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
