i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
