I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
