I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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