Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
