dude i'm inner monologue high
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
